I am not a lady. Whenever I make this statement, particularly in the presence of men, I see a riot of confusion cascading across their faces.
By Thembe Sachikonye
I suspect that on the one hand they want to celebrate, but on the other, they are not sure what it is exactly they are celebrating.
When I follow this up with “I am a woman”, I sense a feeling of disappointment and I wonder whether someone might be thinking: “Oh no, one of those rabid feminists!”
Luckily for them, I am not a feminist either! I am a woman with a capital “W!”
Instead of looking dodgy and tongue-tied, what they should do is ask me why I say I am not a lady. The reason is simply that I do not know what a lady is anymore.
When we were in school it seemed very clear and attractive, but I think that’s because the options presented were not unlike those I present my children with today when I roar: “Are you a lady or a hooligan?”
My little ones obediently chant, “I’m a lady!” Well, the multiple choice quiz I present to them is kind of loaded in that direction, wouldn’t you say!
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According to Frank Sinatra’s song Luck Be a Lady, a lady is someone who “. . . never leaves her escort . . . never flirts with strangers and never forgets her manners . . . ”
Well, that’s all very nice and certainly gracious, but don’t you think it’s a little dull?
I came across a blog the other day which carried a full survey for how one could assess whether one was a lady or not (clearly I am not the only one facing this dilemma if people have to put our surveys) and it included statements like:
- You don’t reveal your age or weight unless absolutely necessary
- You don’t discuss religion or politics at the dinner table
- If a gentleman offers to pay for a date, you politely accept
- When in doubt, you dress up, you never look too casual for an occasion
- You carry the smallest purse possible, depending on the occasion
- You err on the side of going to bed early
- You never ask if you look fat. Et cetera, Et cetera.
Granted there is merit in many of these exhortations, you must admit they would seem to make for a rather uneventful and frankly uninspiring life.
Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man irritated me from the moment I set eyes on the title.
Why can’t I act like a lady and think like a lady?
Are we presuming that the thinking capacity of a lady is somehow substandard and that to achieve her goals she should instead borrow the thinking style of a man? And while we are on the subject, guess what the said goals are? To hook a man of course!
You can understand why I would refuse to read a book with a title like that. (And why I would subsequently refuse to be called a lady) However, that said, a lot of highly respected and respectable people have read the book (more than a million have bought it, so I guess that says something) and liked it and some of these people are even my friends!
But of course the book doesn’t address the woman-lady dilemma.
I cannot fully address it myself in this piece since I am still not clear what a lady is, but what I can say for sure is what a woman is — and I am talking here about a fully grown up woman:
- A woman is a force, a reservoir of power that is fully charged and ready for take-off.
- A woman is the sometimes invisible energy that changes the world.
- A woman makes a dent in the surface of time and life. A woman is a danger to the status quo and to calm conventional correctness.
- In a woman’s wake, there is wisdom; there is wakefulness; there is wonder and there is a whole new world.
No, for sure I am not a lady.
I am a woman.
- Thembe Khumalo Sachikonye writes in her personal capacity. Readers’ comments can be sent to [email protected]. Follow Thembe on Twitter www.twitter/localdrummer or visit her facebook page www.facebook.com/pages/local-drummer
