I wonder why it’s so hard for us to listen. And I don’t mean listening as in obedience (although for some of us, that is just as difficult!), but listening as in the interest to hear.
It seems simple really; I mean, someone talks and you . . . listen, right? Wrong. Someone talks and before they have even finished what they are saying your mind has churned out a 900 word response that is just bursting to be shared, and very often that’s exactly what happens. The response gets shared and the listening . . .? Well, that gets shot.
Now here is an interesting point; listening is actually a skill. What that means is, it is something you can learn and eventually master. So, if you are a terrible listener, it needn’t be a lifetime affliction. We can fix this.
Before you dismiss this piece as a lesson for school leavers and undergraduates, think over the following truths:
As a leader, listening gives you an edge by providing you with more information to work with.
This may seem obvious and simplistic, but very often when people recognise that their leader doesn’t listen, they stop supplying him with information. If you want to know what’s really going on, you’ll have to learn to listen.
Listening is the first step to persuasion and that’s something everybody needs.
At any given time, there is someone important you need to reach. Whether you are selling a service, or enticing a lover, coaxing a child or converting a sinner, your ability to persuade is directly linked to your ability to listen. Think of all the business you want to bring in this year and link that to listening.
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Listening doesn’t look so frivolous after all, does it?
Steve Covey, the management and personal development guru talks about the high price of low trust. In organisations where people don’t trust one another “everything gets bogged down, slows down; people protect themselves, they think defensively and they gather other people around them to form cliques.” Listening can counter such a culture by promoting trust.
Adwin Shneidman, pioneer in the field of suicide prevention, says: “If you listen for hurt, fear and pain, or for people’s hopes and dreams, it is nearly always there. And when the other person feels you listening and feeling them, they will let down their guards and open their minds and hearts to you.” This is the beginning of trust.
Benefits to organisations of creating a high trust environment are enormous. Trust affects relations with customers, suppliers, employees and all stakeholders, ultimately impacting the bottom line.
Listening conveys respect and affirms your recognition that someone else’s input is important. When you constantly interrupt, the message you send is that what you have to say is more important than what your listener has to say. In a team, this can destroy both confidence and motivation.
When we don’t listen we reduce team interaction to a contest that sees who is the loudest and fastest talker. Team members, who have an important contribution but are soft spoken, will find it almost impossible to make a significant input when the loudmouths are always making themselves heard. A culture of listening to one another is honorific, conveying respect and allowing all personalities to feel valued and important.
Listening is clearly as much a business asset as it is a social skill. And oddly enough, it’s relatively untaxing to employ. You don’t need a coach or a tutor to learn to listen. You just need to make a start.
So having finished preaching to myself, I guess I had better make that start.
