Zanu PF sends in the clowns

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There is a song entitled Send in the Clowns, in a musical called A Little Night Music, written by Stephen Sondheim.

The song has to do with a low point in a circus in which a high-wire acrobat dies or some unfortunate mishap happens, and the audience is emotionally down and needing cheering up or, at least, some comic relief. Just at that crucial point, the producer drops in the song.

Send in the Clowns has become the fixer for just that sort of situation.

The life of a sole broadcaster with an absolute monopoly and total protection from competition can be quite boring and full of drudgery.

It is worse, when, as a rule, the entire operational scope, philosophy and leitmotif thereof, is regimental, mandatory, and circumscribed by propaganda — a very limited scope in which to operate, indeed.

At ZBC, and The Herald, not only has the high-wire acrobat died – the entire institutions have died – it’s a world of the living dead, kept on oxygen by the State. They are in a performance coma and have to periodically do the unconventional, to justify their existence to their godfather and benefactor.

Recently, ZBC, smitten by the straitjacket they are in, and through sheer lack of creative thinking, decided to “send-in-the-clowns”, to supplement the efforts of its kindred spirit, The Herald, by deploying one of its incredible, usual suspects, the mercurial Gabriel Chaibva (Zanu PF), to perform a hatchet job on editors in the private media.

For the record, Chaibva is the garrulous ex-Zanu PF, ex-Zum, ex-MDC, ex-MDC-M, ex-Job Sikhala outfit, and now back-to-Zanu PF, regular turncoat, who got 504 votes in Budiriro and became accordingly, appropriately nicknamed, after having been thoroughly trounced and hounded out of his Sunningdale home constituency in the primary elections. Phew . . .! That’s a mouthful!

However, one can only pray that by the time this guy stops turning around, his face will still be at the front! How a person who had lost so dismally in his own home constituency thought he could invade another, and win, is indicative of his logic levels.

You lose an election in your house and you move next door and contest against the father in that house and expect his wife and children to vote for you! Astonishing, isn’t it?

Well, that’s Chaibva for you . . . a mercurial, comical and erratic character, but still, curiously viewed as tradable and fungible at ZBC and The Herald!

They audaciously call him and a gaggle of other imponderable comedians, so-called analysts. That speaks volumes of ZBC and The Herald. But, no matter how far and how fast he runs, he will not outrun his long shadow.

Unlike ZBC and The Herald, who are essentially employed by those whose political image they are instructed to deodorise, we are not employed by political entities, therefore we do not kowtow to, and we do not have to spruce up anyone’s image.

To suggest that we do, as postulated by Chaibva, ZBC’s so-called “analyst”, is simply wilful ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Typically, not a shred of evidence has been adduced to buttress the wild and vulgar claim.

Chaibva took to the podium and waxed himself lyrical about editors in the private media getting bribed by Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai to project him positively in the Press — and he wants the public to believe him!

Forgive me for laughing, but would anyone buy a secondhand car from this guy? I don’t think that when Sondheim wrote and suggested that they “send-in-the-clowns”, he meant it, literally!

Chaibva is an open book
. . . his political life says it all. He goes from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. He would be an ideal candidate for the The Many Faces of Fu Manchu cast. He is only in Zanu PF because he ran out of parties to join, given his knack for being kicked out.

He has gone full circle, and would do several more rounds, if the parties allowed him. He has bundles of energy but, like a rocking horse, it’s all movement without progress. He is of entertainment value only, now.

I do not think there is even rummage, or damaged-goods salvage value left in him and his vituperations. It’s not the size of the dog that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog, and this one’s bark is worse than its bite. So, he can froth at the mouth like a rabid pitbull, with his nonsense about editors being bribed all he likes, but he just isn’t breaking any popcorn because no one takes him seriously.

I think my brother Stan Gama at the Daily News exhaustively dealt with and put the matter of alleged bribing of editors in the private media to rest and there really would be no need for an overkill on the subject.

It’s simply vulgar abuse by people who have nothing better to do and are scrapping the barrel to please their masters. Mind you, they have to be seen to be doing something to justify their keep. We constantly remind Chaibva not to major in minors, but it’s clear that we are engaging in dialogue with the deaf.

Bombastic vulgarities have always been the silly man’s imitation of strength and intelligence. In the final analysis, Chaibva is simply skimmed milk masquerading as cream, and he has impressed some uninitiated souls with his silly witticisms.

Should the purveyors of these bribery falsehoods seriously think that private media editors are motivated by money, dangle some our way and see if they will get the merchandise.

Our editorial positions are clear. We are professionals and we call a spade a spade, and if they can’t stand the heat, they can always get out of the kitchen.

I challenge Chaibva to prove his allegations and, oh, by the way, he will be hearing from our lawyers soon. Bring the evidence, Chaibva, don’t waste the taxpayers’ money and public space.

By the way, Chaibva is probably unaware the editors he claims were bribed are in the know of the resistance the story was given by reporters before it was forced down their throats.