Bashing opponents typical of primate candidates


Nineteenth century naturalist Charles Darwin eternally remains at daggers drawn with conservative religious advocates.

At the centre of this mutual contempt is his easy-to-follow, but psychedelic theory that humans are of primate ancestry as “represented by Nakalipithecus fossils found in Kenya and Ouranopithecus found in Greece”.

Primates, according to Wikipedia, bear human resemblance in being “status conscious, manipulative and capable of deception; they can recognise kin and conspecifics; and they can learn to use symbols and understand aspects of (human) language including some relational syntax and concepts of number and numerical sequence”.

Weigh this against the Biblical doctrine of God creating people “in His own image” and you have hostility of these two faiths etched permanently in stone.

Perhaps it is such “divine superiority” that permits mental storage of thousands of figures for real-time retrieval.

This includes speed limits, temperatures, anniversary birth and death dates, national identities, driver’s licences, passport numbers, street addresses, PIN numbers, bank accounts, flight schedules, track records, motor vehicle registration and phone numbers, time, everyday arithmetic computations and, of course, elections results.

Zimbabwean elections tend to evoke the worst of Darwin’s primate behaviour in political players. Local political male primates, like their bush counterparts, peg “no-go areas” and are prepared to kill to defend “their territory”.

Preventing political competitors from convening meetings in constituencies is symptomatic of such egotistic primate behaviour.

Primate absurdity afflicts party leaders who boast that baboons or donkeys can be made representatives of particular constituencies, and how voters should ultimately exercise preference for these primate misfits!

The long unexplained vexatious behaviour of some political parties finally has primate explanation. Those whose supporters assault other citizens to coerce them into voting for their candidates have low primate-like IQs.

I have watched documentaries where an ape from a rival group wants to grab all the females. Some political party leaders “acquire” farms, companies and buildings by force from rightful owners, typical of senseless male primate behaviour!

Ironically, it is in these oppressed primate-like groups where “everyone” has to submit and follow commands from one domineering “individual” who acts in pursuit of nothing but self- aggrandisement.

Cavorting with rival clans attracts swift primate excommunication, especially where one is purported to be a respectable female member of that group!

If rumours “leak” that one uttered unsavoury but correct comments to foreign clans about one’s leader, primate retribution is generally . . . delayed.

This is because primate oppressors are often too scared to accurately sniff out how many other entities in that group may concur with the purveyor of rumours! When a male ape is on ideological heat, he migrates aimlessly molesting others, including hapless villagers.

Such primate-like behaviour was once reported in Masvingo.

As we prepare Zimbabwe for a higher level of post-new constitution democratisation, one hopes political players will discard this retarded Darwinian primate mentality and embrace more sophisticated Godly intellect.

Five weeks of counting votes and then posturing publicly on false results is, to be modest, stupidity of primate proportion!

Primate behaviour of selecting low IQ candidates, assaulting competitors, burning homes and ballot-cheating must be confined in museums. Accept defeat and hand over the reins to the legitimate victor.

That to me is Godly sophistication. Threatening to “go back to the bush” only reinforces the Darwinian stereotype that your “default mode” is one of wild primate habitat! We will not only question your mental predisposition, but also hope that you remain quarantined in that Jurassic bush until the next tranche of ape-to-human evolution!

So there it is: next time your political neighbour behaves strangely, assign it to primate Darwinism!