Saturday dialogue: Married women looking for affairs?

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What would you do if a woman called you and told you that she has been having an affair with your spouse for nearly 10 years and that she is seeking your forgiveness?

This is what happened to a close associate who has been subjected to the most painful experience a married woman can endure.

“The woman said that she had done so many horrible things to me adding that she could not tell me in detail as to what she meant by that.

“She said she ended the relationship after she had had an encounter with God and I could tell from her tone that she sounded very desperate,” said the woman I shall call Mariana so as to protect her identity.

Mariana says the caller explained that she was a married woman and that she had attended lunchtime prayer sessions where she would listen to her as she preached.

“She said to me that I was a powerful preacher and that God had sent her to apologise to me. She told me her name and I think I now have an idea who the person is. The surname sounds like one that belongs to a neighbour at our farm in Marondera. Could she be the one? I am so puzzled.

“She said she had been to my business and that she pleaded for my forgiveness for all she had done to me.
She said she would one day find courage to confront her and bare it all. She was calling from Swaziland.”

Mariana says her husband had suddenly reappeared at their marital home and stayed for a longer period than he had ever done in the last 10 years.

“He would, in the past, just pop in with a boot full of groceries which he always said belonged to his mother and then drive away leaving me and the children with nothing.

“My business of buying and reselling was not doing well as I lacked capital but he never supported us. I was living the life of a widow and yet my husband was still alive and capable of working to maintain his family.”

When she confronted her husband, he denied knowing this woman but what is very clear is that he had either been ditched or he had ditched the woman over something. He has since become the sweetest man she had ever known.

Whatever the case may be; why are married people cheating on their spouses with other married people?

Everybody, whether man or woman, has a desire to be loved and cared for.

But what should a man or woman do if she is in a relationship that does not meet any of the above-mentioned needs?

I was so amazed to discover that there are websites on the Internet that actually encourage married people to cheat if they feel cheated by their spouse.

The Married Women Looking for Affairs website had this to say: “Believe it or not, infidelity can even bring you closer to your partner. It rejuvenates the marriage or relationship, it puts the passion back into it.

“That is why most affairs start, the passion has gone from the relationship, we all want to be swept off our feet, we want to feel like we did when we were sixteen and going out on our first date, we need that spark, that fiery passion rekindled.

“These days it is actually considered silly not to have an affair if you are unhappy with your marriage, seriously, you see married women looking for affairs and married men seeking women on Dr Phil or on Oprah all the time, couples that have divorced and are now happily married to different people saying ‘yeah, we were so unhappy and making our children’s lives unhappy, so we divorced, we did it for the kids’, what they do not tell you is when they met their new spouse, I guarantee that half of them met their new spouse while they were still married to the lawful partner, or maybe on The Married Women Looking for Affairs website.”

The website went on to say: “Having an extra-marital affair does not mean you do not love your kids or your husband or wife, all it means is that you are taking your life by the scruff of the neck and taking back control, it means that you are willing to find your own happiness in life and you are not willing to wait for someone else to make you happy.

“Also remember, no one has to know you are having an affair with another married man or another married woman, they do not even have to be married, they may be a single female or guy.”

But you see, no matter what reasons social scientists may give to support this kind of infidelity, extra-marital affairs are destructive and they leave a permanent scar on a loving spouse.

Doing wrong in order to “correct” a wrong is wicked. But it would seem as though all sinful activities have been dubbed with new names to make them look as though they were within acceptable limits.

What is it about married women looking for affairs that makes them so vulnerable to charisma along with the interest of a married man? Isn’t that immoral? Let’s get talking.

Feedback: mapimhidze@newsday.co.zw